Fear: The Other “F” Word

Today's blog is by special guest blogger, Mike Berkson, one of the two stars in the stage performance of Handicap This! which is coming to Owensboro, KY on Thursday, September 20 at the Riverpark Center. After his birth, the doctor told Mike's parents that Mike would never speak, walk or think like a normal child. By age three, Mike spoke more words than his "able-bodied" twin brother. Mike shares that he and his mom returned to that doctor, "and at her instruction, I said to him: 'Quit your day job.'" Enjoy!

Your eyes dilate. Your pulse quickens. Your mouth becomes dry. Your hands begin to tremble. Your body is in complete panic mode all because you are afraid.
Have you ever seen a high-wire tightrope act? I always marvel at their ability to dazzle us with their physical agility and strength. Not only are they so high up, but they look graceful and confident while doing it. It seems physically impossible! How do they do it? Let’s face it, most people at some point are going to trip just walking down the street.

There is a family known as “The Flying Wallendas.” For generations this family has been performing death-defying acts that boggle the mind, astound the eyes, and make us spontaneously break out into a cold sweat. They have looked fear in the face and they have said, “No, I am not going to let this emotion affect something that I love to do.”

Most people are paralyzed by fear. That is what fear does. It stops us in our tracks. Fear sets up a road block that we don’t think we will ever be able to get through. Some members of “The Flying Wallendas” have perished doing what they love, yet they all still live their passion. In fact, Nik Wallenda successfully walked over Niagara Falls on a tightrope this summer. Of course, this is an EXTREME example of facing your fears. We are not expecting ANYONE to go run out and start learning how to tightrope walk, however we can look to the Wallendas and we can be inspired to overcome our own fears, the stumbling blocks that make us stay where we are in our lives.

If they can walk across a razor-thin wire without the safety of a net, what can you do? You can make that call you have been to afraid to make, you can go for a new job, you can go back to school, you can start training for a marathon, you can put yourself out there with the confidence, knowing that you have the power to overcome your own fear.

Fear is something that you attach to yourself. You give it the power and you have the power to get rid of it.

Handicap This!

Mike

In the Next Blog Entry:  Guest Blog by Cal Thomas, My Brother's Valuable Life - “ Shortly after he was born in 1950, Marshall was diagnosed with Down syndrome. Some in the medical community referred to the intellectually disabled as "retarded" back then, long before the word became a common schoolyard epithet.”

We want to hear from you! Please share your responses and comments by clicking below on “Comment” – you may post them anonymously or using your gmail.com profile name.

“The educated do not share a common body of information, but a common state of mind.” ~Mason Cooley
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Blog content is copyrighted property of Wendell Foster’s Campus for Developmental Disabilities and Carolyn Smith Ferber and/or other blog authors). Content may be used, duplicated or reprinted only with the expressed authorization of the Wendell Foster’s Campus. Permission for use, duplication or reprints may be made to wfcampus.org@gmail.com.

 

The Algebraic Formula for Fear

Our society has within it an engrained perception, reaction, and belief system about individuals with developmental disabilities, myself included, which shows up in subtle ways.  For example, upon starting my position at Wendell Foster’s Campus (WFC), a little voice whispered, “Avoid running into or looking at any of them.”  The source was Fear, taught through a history of generational and ancestral roots seeded in a long history of societal public opinion towards this population.  And I succumbed.

By the end of the second day of training, I realized I was purposefully not making eye contact with any of the Campus residents as they moved through the break area.  Wow, I thought to myself, is that really how I want to show up in this work?  As a human being?”  I used fear as an avoidance tactic.

I’ve learned from personal experience that Fear breeds a very active imagination, which is fueled by inaccurate belief systems, lack of information, and learned social and generational attitudes.  In one research study I read, it said, “negative attitudes toward people with disabilities are rooted in lack of knowledge and the perpetuation of erroneous, often negative stereotypes.” In other words, what you believe and don’t know, shapes what you think, say and do!  Our parents, grandparents, peers, in addition to our own personal experiences, mixed with media messaging all influence how we think about and interact with people different from us, in any given situation. I finally understood what “ignorance” really means:  the lack of understanding from an intellectual perspective, which cultivates inaccurate belief systems.  In a nutshell, Lack of Info + Inaccurate Beliefs + Unfamiliarity = Fear Activated.

It had been over two years since I last volunteered with individuals with disabilities.  I questioned my ability to interact with the residents and clients of WFC.  I was uncertain as to what extreme of disabilities I would encounter; additionally, I also felt pressure, admittedly self-imposed, to perform perfectly within those interactions.  Why?  Because those who worked here did it every day; and I feared being judged as inadequate, or chastised if I didn’t handle myself perfectly with the clients.

Because of my fear, I averted my own discomfort by initially avoiding those I encountered in the first two days of work.  I was afraid I couldn’t communicate, or I would say something to offend the residents, or my new employer.  I’d prefer to ignore them rather than perform imperfectly.  Ironic, isn’t it, given these individuals live in less than perfect-functioning bodies?  How incredibly vain and selfish I was being!  My fear and I was robbing myself of opportunities to enjoy some amazing “persons” because my focus was on the “disability.”  The next day, I made sure I looked each person with and without a disability that moved through the break area in the eye, greeting him or her with a resounding “Hi!”

Recognizing that the unfamiliar activates fear helps one move through it.  I gave myself permission to be imperfect, and through conscious effort to engage, I reclaimed my confidence and enjoyed meaningful human connections that brought smiles to my face, warmth and joy to my heart.

Fear keeps us from living and experiencing incredible joy; it also prevents us from significantly making a difference in this world.  We all have potential to make a difference, potential we take for granted.  At Wendell Foster’s Campus, our residents conquer huge hurdles to tap into and activate their potential to make a difference in our community!  And they achieve it, breaking through obstacles and fear, so they may read to elementary school children, participate to ride the Green Belt with a local bicycle club, travel to and from work on GRITS buses, paint artwork, take photos, or connect with the world on Facebook.  The residents at WFC inspire me to practice fearless living.

In the Next Blog Entry:  "I Can Do It" - “Shelly quickly but sweetly chided, “I can do it.”  Her message was loud and clear  . . . . “

We want to hear from you!  Please share your responses and comments by clicking below on “Comment” – you may post them anonymously or using your gmail.com profile name.

“The educated do not share a common body of information, but a common state of mind.” ~Mason Cooley.  Please share our blog with others via Facebook, Twitter, or email!

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Blog content is copyrighted property of Wendell Foster’s Campus for Development Disabilities and Carolyn Smith Ferber and/or other blog authors).  Content may be used, duplicated or reprinted only with the expressed authorization of the Wendell Foster’s Campus.  Permission for use, duplication or reprints may be made to wfcampus.org@gmail.com.

Leave Your Baggage at the Door

How do I relate to them?  Communicate?  Will I be adequate in dealing with them?  What if I can’t?  What will people think of me working with them? Can I handle being around them?  Could I be comfortable around them? Wow. Like most people, I’d relegated an entire sector of the human population into the classification of one pronoun.

Before entering Wendell Foster’s Campus doors, I had to conduct a “baggage check.”  The “baggage check” is when one opens up his or her baggage, and takes a look at what s/he carries in emotions, antiquated beliefs, stereotypical thinking and feelings.  The purpose is to identify and clear the cobwebs of fear, doubt, insecurity, and anxiety.  Conducting the “baggage check” on one’s stuff takes a great deal of courage, and a willingness to look at oneself, in one’s own heart with an objective eye.  Here’s what I found in my baggage:

“Them.”  “Them” are people who have names, unique personalities, feelings!  Despite a stereotypical thought that individuals with developmental disabilities are “stupid” or clueless, they aren’t.  They grasp how people see, talk to and behave towards them.  My thoughts succumbed to the popular classification practice our society uses in segregation.

Guilt.  I realized I felt guilty, because I am okay and they aren’t.  Of course, this irrational idea couldn’t be further from the truth!  Individuals with developmental disabilities are okay, more than okay!  Their human spirits are simply housed in a different make and model of physical body because of brain damage brought on by circumstances beyond their control:  oxygen deprivation, physical abuse, head injuries, epileptic seizures, etc.   Fat v. thin, tall v. short, physically disable v. physically able, black v. white; shapes, sizes, colors do not define our “okay-ness” but rather our uniqueness.

Worst Fears Realized.  Individuals with development disabilities mirror our worst fears of living life in their wheelchair.  You and I have heard others say, or may have said ourselves, “I’d rather die than live life like that.”  We non-disabled are challenged by the physical deformity and malfunctions, and these beautiful souls force us to face and challenge those inner fears and insecurities.  People with developmental disabilities facilitate within us an “attitude of gratitude” for our health, and teach us, by example, humility in the face of life challenges.

Screw Up.  I was scared I would screw up: say the wrong thing; misunderstand what the clients’ say; not know how to relate, or; not “stomach” their physical appearances, such as drooling (caused by dysphagia).  These fears stem from our own need to not feel awkward or seem imperfect. We avert our own discomfort by avoiding the individual with a disability, rooted in our own lack of confidence to relate and connect with him or her.  Fortunately, individuals with developmental disabilities are more unconditionally accepting of us than we tend to be of them.  Most overlook our inability to understand, as well as our awkward clumsiness in relating to them.  No doubt they feel similar fears, as well as frustration and impatience with us, and perhaps, themselves.  That, in and of itself, demonstrates we have much in common with each other, with which to relate.

Sound or feel familiar?

We must face fear first by recognizing and acknowledging it exists; pretending it doesn’t only makes matters worse.  Succumbing to fear leads to avoidance, lack of confidence, resistance, or quitting.  I faced my fear with my “lean into it” philosophy.  If I’m busy leaning into the experience, fear has little room to work on me.  It’s easier to say, “No thanks;” it more courageous to face one’s fears.  Our WFC clients lean into their seemingly insurmountable lives every single day; they face simple tasks on a daily basis to communicate, move their arms, legs, and hands, socialize, even eat, all with great effort and courage!  If they can do it, why can’t we find courage when it comes to visiting the WFC campus, volunteering, or starting a new position as a staff member?

If they can do it, there’s no excuse why I can’t.

In the Next Blog Entry:  Deep Breaths and Kleenexes - “. . . I felt nervous energy, anxiety and fear.  The room felt edgy.   I needed to relax . . . “

We want to hear from you!  Please share your responses and comments by clicking below on “Comment” – you may post them anonymously or using your gmail.com profile name.

“The educated do not share a common body of information, but a common state of mind.” ~Mason Cooley.  Please share our blog with others via Facebook, Twitter, or email!  Follow our blog!  Click on “Join our Site” below.

Blog content is copyrighted property of Wendell Foster’s Campus for Development Disabilities and Carolyn Smith Ferber (and/or other blog authors).  Content may be used, duplicated or reprinted only with the expressed authorization of the Wendell Foster’s Campus.  Permission for use, duplication or reprints may be made to wfcampus.org@gmail.com.

Excited Yet Fearful

Growing up in Owensboro, I vaguely remember Wendell Foster’s Campus.  Upon return after a 26 year absence, Wendell Foster’s Campus (WFC) appeared as a blip on my radar.   While job hunting, I noticed a position opening for a Community Education Assistant at WFC.  Given my background in non-profit program management, public education and marketing, the job seemed to be a good fit so I applied, but since my resume may prove me over-qualified for the position, I did not expect to hear back from WFC.  I sent it anyway.

I knew nothing about WFC until I conducted research upon a surprising invitation for an interview.  Only then, I learned this organization served individuals with developmental disabilities as a residential campus and outpatient facility to those with autism, cerebral palsy and other brain-related injuries/illnesses.   Cool, I thought, I’ve enjoyed working with individuals with disabilities through volunteer work.  What little did I know how little I knew about WFC at this point!

Only until I stepped onto the grounds for my interview did I understand the magnificent presence this campus has.  One conversation with my future supervisor, Maggie Price, and a brief tour of the Sensory Park ignited my inner desire to become a part of this organization.  I was excited at the possibility to serve as a voice in support of a segment of our community enduring discrimination still today in Owensboro.  The history of the organization further impressed:  a Christian grass root effort of perseverance and faith through challenging times as a couple led the charge to support their own “spastic” child (the crude medical diagnosis of those with physical/mental disabilities in the 1940’s).  More amazing was Edith and Wendell Foster’s willingness to share their knowledge and experience with other families in similar circumstances and the continuous commitment over sixty years to provide invaluable services, care and independence for children with developmental disabilities.  Whatever apathy I had upon applying for this position transmuted into passion-arousing excitement at the opportunity to be an advocate for an inspirational group of people.  Eventually, I’m asked to return for a second interview and within a week, I’m offered the job!  

But then it happened.  Normal, not uncommon, and yet, unsettling for anyone stepping into an unfamiliar situation.  Naturally rising to the surface, generational, social and personal apprehensions reflected in this country’s history of discrimination, stereotyping, and fear.  A sense of dread set in as questions, doubt, fear reared ugly heads:  How do I relate to them?  Communicate?  Will I be adequate in dealing with them?  What if I can’t?  What will people think of me working with this population? Can I handle being around them?  Could I be comfortable around them?  Apprehension replaced my excitement.  The illusions disguised as an inability to relate, to understand and be around individuals whose physical appearances, verbal incapacities, and behavioral patterns seemed so severe tempted me to back out, to run the other direction.  But how can I think this way, feel this way?  I have volunteered with individuals with developmental disabilities before, and loved it!  Why am I hesitant?

Now I embark on a new adventure in my professional journey, joining WFC that’s positioned in a crossroads of strategic shift:  to improve the quality of services it delivers by embracing a mindset of “person-centered” service delivery to further expand the empowerment of our targeted population.  And I bring my baggage of fear, doubt, and apprehension in tow as I step through the doors of Wendell Foster’s Campus to report for my first day of work.

In the Next Blog Entry:  Leave Your Baggage at the Door - “I was scared I would screw up: say the wrong thing; misunderstand what the clients say; not know how to relate, or; not “stomach” their physical appearances  . . . “

We want to hear from you!  Please share your responses and comments by clicking below on “Comment” – you may post them anonymously or using your gmail.com profile name.

“The educated do not share a common body of information, but a common state of mind.” ~Mason Cooley
Please share our blog with others via Facebook, Twitter, or email!  Follow our blog!  Click on “Join our Site” below.

Blog content is copyrighted property of Wendell Foster’s Campus for Development Disabilities and Carolyn Smith Ferber and/or other blog authors).  Content may be used, duplicated or reprinted only with the expressed authorization of the Wendell Foster’s Campus.  Permission for use, duplication or reprints may be made to wfcampus.org@gmail.com.