Fist-Bumps, Hugs, and Tears

With our first “test” presentation out of the way, Shelly was beaming with greater confidence than she’d shown thus far in this new adventure as a volunteer Campus Advocate.  Prior to the test-run of our No R Word presentation, local Evansville Channel WFIE 14News came to the school to interview Shelly about her mission to spread the word, which later aired on the evening news. Additionally, the Messenger-Inquirer came out to Wendell Foster’s Campus (WFC) the next day to take a photo of Shelly for an article they were doing on the No R Word campaign.  We also did a video promo with Shelly promoting the presentation, and emailed it to all elementary schools in six counties. We even arranged for her storybook reading and our No R Word presentation to be video-recorded, as well as a one-on-one interview with Owensboro Career & Technical College – TV, which later aired on its television cable channel!

All of this hit at once, and Shelly was instantly a superstar!  And Shelly loved it all!  The staff teased her not to forget us little people, which just got her giggling that infectious laugh she has.  Shelly had fun with it, and teasing us.  One morning after three presentations in a row at one school, she announced with a mischievous grin to everyone within earshot that she was going home to “rest her voice.”  The room broke into laughter, as did Shelly.

Our presentation schedule for elementary schools was booming – which culminated into fourteen school appearances in a five-week period! Shelly even accompanied me on a few of the Power Point presentations for the older kids.  I would speak for forty-five minutes, Shelly for five, and after we were done, you would have thought I’d never been in the room!  The kids LOVED Shelly, and Shelly loved the kids.  The younger students asked the funniest questions, such as "Do dogs get cerebral palsy?" and "How fast will your wheelchair go?"; all of which Shelly graciously responded to with pleasure and compassion.

And there were fist-bumps and hugs all around!!  After our presentation, students would leave, passing by Shelly with a “thank you,” “hello,” and fist bumps.  Some children showed their appreciation more deeply with hugs that made Shelly beam in gratitude.  Says Shelly:  “I really enjoyed it, the kids’ curiosity; their facial expressions as they looked at me, and their questions.  I realized I was empowering them to feel comfortable in asking questions about my disability, in talking to someone with a disability, and to feel comfortable approaching and interacting with someone like me.”

At one school, a little girl asked Shelly if anyone had called her the R word.  When Shelly answered, “yes,” the little girl’s empathy overwhelmed as she responded through welling tears that she didn’t understand why people would be so mean to do that, and that people shouldn’t do that.  This young student’s compassion brought tears to my own eyes, and Shelly herself felt emotional.  “I realized then that I was getting my point across because if someone gets that emotional when I’m talking to them, then the point I’m getting across is hitting home, reaching their heart.”

Watching the apprehensive looks of uncertainty as Shelly entered the classroom before our presentation morph into the warm embrace and acceptance afterwards was heartwarming to experience as I witnessed this woman demystify disabilities for the children.  The show of love and acceptance for Shelly and her efforts was visible after each presentation from the students themselves to the dozens of thank you notes, letters, hand-drawn pictures and cards that were sent to us (mostly for her) afterwards.  I found it touching to see Shelly grow into this new community role, and to witness the her confidence boost as she came to realize she truly does have a significant contribution to make as a voice for those with disabilities.

If non-profit programs had agents such as Jerry Maguire involved in these sorts of activities, Shelly would have him negotiating a life-long contract to do the No R Word presentations for the duration of our Spread the Word program!  She’s already informed me she plans on doing it again next year, and there’s no reason for her not to do so, especially since we’ve already received requests from schools to come back and visit.  Through this program, she discovered more fully her own voice, and that she wants to volunteer with children, having already inquired with one local school about the possibility.

I couldn’t be more proud of Shelly who not only took a risk to step out of her comfort zone to make a difference, but who developed as a person in going after what was important to her:  to be of service and make a difference in our community.

In the Next Blog Entry: To Be Announced

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Show Time!

“I didn’t think I could do the presentation, and now I realize I can do most anything I want to.” 

Shelly admitted after the campaign was over that while she wanted to participate, she wasn’t so sure of her ability to do it.  During the course of our working on our presentation, Shelly often would criticize herself when she flubbed up, and later she confided that she was hard on herself because in life, others had been hard on her, and she felt like she needed to prove something.  I coached her to be okay with making mistakes, to be okay if she reworded a presentation line differently than what was on paper.  I also reassured her that if she jumped ahead in our presentation that I had her back and would get us back on track.  With this encouragement, Shelly relaxed more, but continued studying her presentation part until she had it cold.  The once self-critical Shelly began patting herself more on the back as she recognized progress in her knowing her part of the presentation.  And when I screwed up, that made her feel even better!

Together, Shelly and I decided she’d read a book about a little girl with Down syndrome which would help students understand an intellectual disability (which we briefly discuss in the presentation) while nicely complimenting the very issues of fear and uncertainty we address in our talk to the children.  It also highlighted the importance of focusing on what we have in common rather than focusing on differences, a subject important to Shelly to be addressed in the presentation.  Once done with the book, Shelly would then share her story, and immediately engage the children in asking who liked things she liked, such as hanging out with their friends, and macaroni and cheese, and how they have these things in common.  Then, she asked the students how they are different from her, receiving expected answers, such as she’s in a wheelchair, and they are not, she’s older and they are younger, etc.  Shelly would then tell them there are other differences, asking the kids who could brush their teeth, dress and feed themselves, to all of which the students would raise their hands.  At this point, Shelly would inform them that she cannot do those things and why, thus introducing the subject of cerebral palsy.

From here, together, we continue the conversation to explain what cerebral palsy (CP) is, how people get it, and how it affects the body.  Shelly demonstrated her limitations, while explaining how others with CP have different limitations than her.  She then explained that while she may look different, she is unique, just like they are unique and how despite differences between each other (i.e. better at sports than at drawing), we are all unique, yet have things in common.  We also help students understand it’s okay to be curious, and that it's okay, not rude, to ask people with disabilities questions.  We also briefly explain the difference between intellectual and physical disabilities; and, how to approach individuals with disabilities.  Finally, Shelly shared that people aren’t always nice to her, discussing the R word and how it’s used to be mean, and even jokingly to mean that someone is “stupid.”  Shelly gets "real" about her feelings with the children, helping them understand that it hurts when she’s called the R Word, and how she feels about people who use it, pointing out that people who call her that don’t think she can do anything when she can, and that they are not nice people.  She then helps the children understand how to treat people with disabilities:  be nice; be respectful, and don’t be afraid to ask questions, because she’d rather people take the time to get to know her than misjudge her because of her cerebral palsy.

Our first “test” presentation took place in February at Burns Elementary School before a group of older elementary students, 4^th & 5^th graders (right).  Shelly admitted to being nervous because she was unsure about the school environment, how the kids would take to her, and how they’d respond to her message.  Well, let me say that nervous or not, Shelly hit the presentation out of the ballpark!

How do I know?  During the Q&A portion of the presentation, one little girl raised her hand to ask the question, “Shelly, will you be my friend?”

Uh, Kleenex please!  Shelly said she felt an emotional feeling of happiness deep inside because “I touched them deeper than I realized I could touch them, and that gave me chills.”

A Superstar is born!

In the Next Blog Entry:  Fist Bumps, Hugs & Tears - "At one school, a little girl asked Shelly if anyone had called her the R word.  When Shelly answered, 'yes,' the little girl’s empathy overwhelmed as she responded through welling tears . . . ."

We want to hear from you! Please share your responses and comments by clicking below on “Comment” – you may post them anonymously or using your gmail.com profile name.

“The educated do not share a common body of information, but a common state of mind.” ~Mason Cooley
Please share our blog with others via Facebook, Twitter, or email! Follow our blog! Click on “Join our Site” below.

Blog content is copyrighted property of Wendell Foster’s Campus for Development Disabilities and Carolyn Smith Ferber and/or other blog authors). Content may be used, duplicated or reprinted only with the expressed authorization of the Wendell Foster’s Campus. Permission for use, duplication or reprints may be made to wfcampus.org@gmail.com.